Tuesday, September 12, 2006

September Apathy

Third glass of wine, at home, T just left, he's leaving for Amsterdam tomorrow morning and I am to be spending the next few days sorting through the oddments of my current life. Three glasses of wine and a slight September breeze, my music is on, my favorite boxers, my pink sweatshirt (yes pink), where does one start...
Ok, I live in the south of France, that much I know, my job is beyond demotivating, that much must be obvious from the lack of mention of it to begin with. My hair has blond streaks in it now.. wait, that is not of importance. I've packed in smoking, that's ten days today, and I have no desire to smoke! Maybe that's still the chest pain attack talking, but my allergies have been surprisingly calm and I feel no urge to light up, beautiful. I have less than 200EUR to spend till the 29th (when I get paid), one of my good friends is coming over for the weekend, not good timing financially, but eh..we'll manage.. again, not important...
Must be the wine... I sent my boss a text yesterday, good move, channel your anger, if I am not to go to that conference, if I am not to get an approval and a budget for the end of this years action plan, I am going to sit on my ass every day till my contract ends in December. Yes, I will. Blogging and browsing and making nothing out of my job. Enough is enough, I am putting my foot down! God I miss being productive...
Rambling on wine and listening to Nickleback, been calling Cairo alot lately, I know I'm not homesick, I can't be, but this feeling of being so unsettled, so uprooted, so spaced out. If I was in Cairo something now would be going on and I'd be taken away with it, or else I'd be on my couch rejoicing in escaping from it. I would be content, or would I?
I look around my flat, all 50m2 for me, my couch, my terrace, my kitchen with my food, oh how simple yet joyous are the pleasures of living alone... rambling again..
Oh, it's September 11th today, as BBC world has been going on and on all day... My absolute lack of interest in things that make the world go insane surprises me for the millionth time, is this self absorption? To not care about massive issues that affect the world yet seem to never end?
I know where I stand, everyone should give it all up and join me in the world of choice and consequence, if you insist on tormenting yourselves should I still bother? I think not. I am probably just severely self involved...
How did we get to this topic? Oh, September 11th, enough on that, pain is pain, and lessons are not learnt, moving on...
Not much more to say... don't feel like I've said anything anyway, love life is funny, but ain't it always? Boss is an irresponsible asshole, isn't everyone's? People are mourning lost one's in NY, isn't someone doing that somewhere every second of the day?
The summers over and it's the time for getting into pajamas and wondering if anything is worth thinking about, or if it all, as always, will work itself out....

Good night.

6 comments:

Will E. said...

very somber evening.. how does one get through a night like this..

Maat said...

:D, that's me when i'm home alone, i dont even need the wine to go off....rambling.

nice post

N said...

sombre indeed... i don't know will, seem there will be quite a few to come still...

Thanks maat :)

Will E. said...

I think that we can feel slightly better knowing that someone else has these kinds of nights .. or by sharing it with people who can relate or with a sympathetic paper or computer screen... Reminds me of my days in college.

W

N said...

I asked you this on your blog, don't know if you're dodging the answer or it slipped you :) how old are you? am curious..

Will E. said...

Oh I'm not dodging this at all, it slipped me, I don't mind telling my age but in the end it's just a number.. 27