Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Over the past three months, the boyfriend (i am actually using that word now) has asked me about my dislikes more than he has asked me about anything else, or everything else all put together. I know i am an irritable person, though i may tolerate excruciating pain, little things are intolerable for me. I am about to write down a list for my benefit and his reference and to see from your feedback if it is normal to get annoyed with so many things:

1. Fibbing: when someone tells a story and exaggerates or improvises to make it more interesting, and then weeks or months later tells a totally different version of it because their memory didn't serve them well. This drives me mental, i hate fibbing.
2. Crassness: There are things that i find inappropriate to discuss, language or subjects that are just offensive. Even if someone is extremely close to me, crass talk is highly off putting.
3. Vulgarity: especially what is in arabic known as sharsha7a, even in the form of joking, i see no reason in the world why people would resort to that form of communication to even humorously make a point. The normal forms of vulgarity be it loud, crass or inappropriate drives me just a little less insane, i avoid potentially vulgar people like the plague. Oh, and yelling, you start yelling, i get up and leave.
4. Pressure: i hate it when people look at me expecting me to do something, i fail to believe that they don't know that i already know what they want, and i fail to understand where they come off thinking i should do it for any other reason than my wanting to. If there is any chance i will do something someone wants, it will be because he/she did not ask even though they deserve it as that gives me a chance to choose to do it out of love. Unless of course it is an outright requested favor.
5. Too much heat: unless its on the beach where i can take a dip, if i am too hot, that means i am dehydrated and dizzy and cranky, there is no way around this.
6. Invasion of personal space: I am a very touchy feely person with those i am comfortable with, if you have not been made to know i am comfortable then do not touch me, it does not go well with me, be you male or female. No leaning, hugging, kissing, i do not know you, why are you touching me?
7. Repeating the same question: if i've answered once then i've answered, asking me again is telling me you didn't believe my first answer. Even if you don't believe me, don't tell me.
8. Sarcasm and cynicism during arguments: nothing will end the conversation faster, and it wont end well.
9: Being silly: I hate those movies where its all based on someone being an idiot. I don't appreciate people who try to get attention by being silly. It's a kind of humour that does nothing for me.
10. Baby Talk: if it's not a baby, then don't talk to it like that, and definitely don't talk to me like that. When my own mother does it i take a deep breath, count to ten while she finishes and try not to scream.
11. Being made fun of: call me insecure, call me immature, i don't really care, i don't like being picked on or made fun of, and i don't think i will progress with this any more than i already have.
12. Being vague: i hardly ever ask personal questions, so if i do, don't insult my intelligence, say you wont answer, and i'll buzz off.
13. Guilt tripping: guilt is a useless, senseless emotion, when someone tries to invoke this feeling in me i feel wronged and subjected to unfairness. Call me insane, guilt tripping is by far the thing i hate most on this list.
14. Drama: if it's settled, it's settled, if it's fixable, let's fix it, if someone is upset let's talk about it. If it isn't fixable, lets accept that and live with it. Allergic to drama, anyone's but mine anyway.

Just how unreasonable and harsh am i? you can be honest, i wont take it personally, i only know about 5 of you.. so spill please.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The All that Is

Somewhere in the deepest beings lie the secrets of this world
At any point in every moment comes an insight through the illusion that is time
Through some mantra or another opens a door to the peace of mind you know that you can hold
but don't
In some place in your core sits the heaven that you give a life waiting for
There was the fear, then the shame when your soul refused the tame
Until the day you ran out of fictitious fantasies to foretell
My personal hell, was the slippery slope of my demons as they'd dwell
Everyday was judgment day, every day was red hot fire
till we succumbed to desire, and saw ourselves for what we are
Oh peaceful wind, may you blow through my hair as you did
Oh loving All, may you blend and merge with me just once more
Oh beautiful us, may you rise above the self and show me how
The yesterday and the tomorrow are always also happening now

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Advice Needed

If i go to one more coffee shop and discuss the same topics one more time i will buy a rope, tie it into a noose and make use of it.

Enlightened bloggers, good people, please tell me where to go and what to do in Cairo, I am up for any enriching or entertaining experience.

Friday, April 06, 2007


Today whilst sitting with my best friend, i remembered that 4 months ago in her wedding, instead of throwing her bouquet to a bunch of girls she couldn't see, she ran up to me, handed it over and kissed me on the cheek then ran off.

I never ever want to forget that moment, and as i have a freakishly bad memory, this is for documentation.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Scrap Book

I've often gotten the feeling that i live in a scrap book of my life; a book of initially blank unlined pages that i fill with doodling and pictures, poetry and prose, articles and blabbing, signatures here and there. It's a weird feeling, i don't know if everyone feels like this, i suspect i may be more self absorbed than most or more caught up in the intensity of my own life than most. Do most people constantly think about where they are and what they've done and where they've been? Do most people have a checklist for experiences to be had by 20, 30, 40, etc...? Do most people wonder how many lives they could live in the one life? Is everyone as weird as i am so often accused of being? Is everyone as selfish and stingy with their time? I realize that is the driving force behind my reluctance to commit to things that are too constraining, does everyone have the same reasons?
My scrap book is like a mission to me, i.e. the livelihood and activity of my life in itself is like a mission for me. After years and years of facing fears i have come to accept that my ultimate fear is that of being bored, or feeling that i could be feeling/doing more, nothing terrifies me more than the possibility that i am not experiencing what i should, be that in terms of people, places, dreams or work. It is recurrently on my mind that i have not started that book, started a writing path, lost that extra weight, been to Barcelona, bummed around Latin America, lived on an island for a few years, seen that dance show i love, bought my studio on the beach, taken love to the extremities of tests and passions. It is my ultimate fear that my scrap book not have pictures of all my dreamed of destinations, descriptions of all the people i should meet, stories of all the adventures there are for me, scribblings and doodling of a person out there in the world seeing and doing it all.
I've been feeling unsettled and unbalanced since i got back to Cairo, i think i finally know why... Cairo overwhelms me with tasks, traffic and obligations that it takes me away from my scrapbook, it takes me away from the me i cherish most, the me that puts memory next to picture and doodles on the side to compile her book of life. I have realized that i am happiest in my scrap book, two steps back from the world. Am i so very weird or does anyone relate to this?