Friday, March 23, 2012

Friday morning banter

Today i woke up with this incredible urge to move forward, and a true sense of who i am and how i want to spend my days on this earth. I would love to travel, i would love to own a book shop or a furniture shop, i would love to write a book and i will always love the day more than the night. I would love to have music in my life often, and silence on demand. I would love to love my car and i would love to spend more time with the people i love. A true appreciator of the simple things, this is really who i am. I know that when my time is my own again i will try to do as many of these things as i can. I hate the corporate life, i do. So I will do it as conveniently as i can for as long as i can: without traffic, doing something i like, making as much money as possible till i can break free to do something i love. That was always the plan, but its nice to reinforce it. I am going back to bed.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The grateful list

I am down in the dumps. Riding a hate wave for my boss, heart broken over my mothers non stop battle with cancer and frustrated at the lack of joy in my life. I am down in the dumps with a bad throat ache as well. Squeezing myself to pay off the end of my debts, and juggling a million tasks to help the people around me, i am in a down, in a rut.

I am told that when you are this down you should count your blessings. I have tried everything else, so i might as well try this...

- My husband: who made me soup today before he went to work so i wouldn't have to cook while sick, who holds me every single night and talks to me about life and death and cancer and wipes my tears several times a week, with consistent patience. My husband is blessing number 1, 2 and 3.
- My friends: i have the most amazing friends, sisters, who have helped me raise hundreds of thousands of pounds for my mothers treatment, who have been with me and beside me all my life. They are always just a phone call away, unconditionally. I have four girls that are always just a phone call away.
- My home: i have a gorgeous, vibrant, sunny two bedroom apartment with a beautiful view. I love it, it has become my home.
- My job: though i really hate it at the moment, is a 15 minute drive away without traffic, with good pay and health insurance and a lot of great people to work with and solid on my resume. My job minus my boss is a blessing.
- My weight: I am only 8 kilos overweight. I choose to reposition this as a blessing as positioning it as a curse seems to not be working at all. 8 kilos to be done with by the summer. It is a blessing they are no more than 8.
- My writing: i have recently taken 2 writing courses that have put the hope back in me. With more courses and hard work i can actually realise my dream, it actually can happen one day.
- My summer home: by May 2013 i will have my own summer home (apartment) on the beach. 95m2 with a sea view that belong to me! By 2014 i will have a cream, beige and blue apartment to spend all my summer weekends in. That is surely a blessing.
- My love for life: surely i will snap out of this horrid mood soon......

I think it may have worked a little.....