Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Writer in Me

I am never happier than when i am writing. It is the one thing i can do for hours on end, it is the one thing i can for hours on end and lose all sense of time.
It is the one thing i do that gives me energy, not takes energy away from me. After the hours on end i am left so energized, i could start a whole new day.
I have always wanted to be a writer, i have always wanted to be published. First it was poetry, then it was prose, then it was short pieces, and then came blogging.
Blogging for me was so beneficial, on so many levels. Blogging was my first venture into receiving feedback on my writing. Every positive comment i got was elevating and self assuring, my favorites coming from insomniac, Juka and faisal :) The reassurance that i actually could write, was the most rewarding i have ever received.
Blogging was as well to me a self exploration process. If you have been a follower of this blog you would know just how personal it can get. I was not always so readily expressive. I used to be tied up in taboos and self denial. Maxxed out could attest to that, the one that got me try out blogging to begin with. I was very very closed up and defensive. This blog offered me a medium where i could talk about love, sex, death, religion and so much more...

Back in feb, when i realized i hated every aspect of my job, i thought the time had finally came for me to find a way to write for a living, or get into an industry where i could get closer to writing. I shortlisted all the publishing companies and bookstore chains and targeted them all.
There was no room there for an established manager with relatively high salary expectations. I had to ask myself just how willing i was to take a pay cut... I wasn't very willing, with marriage and kids and mortgages on the horizon, it would not have been very smart of me.
So i resigned myself to doing something i loved, but was not necessarily in love with, and started looking into working with houses - a love i realized when i was making up my own house.
So Sunday i start my new career in something i am very excited in working with.
But now remains the writing issue. I must write. I was born to write, and as i hit 30, i must start realizing that dream as well.

A lot of you bloggers write as well, do you have ideas how i could start this journey?
Have any of you written books and published them? Do share your experiences in this safe haven of a space, i really would love to get started...

Thank you in advance....


New Beginnings

After three years and a half, i have left my job. I am no longer a senior manager in retail, i am no longer the person people go to when they need help, i am no longer doing a million things across a million functions, i no longer exist in the company to solve problems.
Starting Sunday, i am a middle manager in another industry. I am doing one specific thing, i am doing my favorite thing in all the things i have done. I have switched industries and careers all in one go. I am now part of a successful growing company, a leading company in its field, and i am a level 4 not 6. There are two people between me and the CEO. My boss and my boss's boss. I look forward to working at my desk with earphones in my ear marketing away.... for slightly better pay in a much better and healthier working environment.

I am anxious, i am excited, i am elated, i am a fish out of water; i am happy.

I have put a down payment on a beach chalet. its really a 2 bedroom apartment, 95m. My last 3500 EUR savings from France went into the first installment, and i am broke till end of year to pay back the money i needed for the second installment. It's my dream come true :) my house at the beach.

I will be 30 in two weeks. Thirty. THIRTY. It is terrifying, such unfamiliar territory... Officially grown up... in my head i am still 27. Really. I am thinking about having kids in the next few years.. i am married. I swear i do not know when it all happened. 9 month married after tomorrow.

Everything is new, i have a new home with an olive wall and a red wall - not in the same room i assure you - and contemporary furniture that i picked piece by piece. I cook for two and wash men's clothes.

A new home, a new job, a new beach house, a new decade ahead.

And i will finally start writing again, i had been so unhappy in my last job, and so busy doing all of these grown up things.

I have a slight suspicion that parts of me changed along the way.. or maybe i just don't know how to be me and be married at the same time, so much of me was about my stories in love... now love is all about sharing movies and dates and chores and funny banter... now love is so stable, there is no drama to channel my intensity through...

It's sort of exciting to see how i will manage to stay me in this docile role..

New beginnings....