T is my friend, we started dating back in November, he fell for me the first time he saw me, and drove 3 hours every weekend to see me, then after 6 weeks he fell out of me again. Ever since we have been dating on and off, fighting on and off, entertaining each other on and off, between his travelling and mine, his infatuations and my elsewhere dellusions, we have been each others reliable sense of a base in this bizarre place.
For the people in my life, T is an enigma.... They don't understand how i don't fall for him, why i don't ever get rid of him, why such a smart girl like me even bothers with him. T is a womaniser at his best, and a rude, obnoxious, hurtful, selfish piece of shit at his worst. Everyone likes having T around, everyone would buy him a drink, everyone would smile more when T's around, everyone wants his attention, but when they think about him when they go home, no one looks up to him, and no one relies on him.
So what am i doing spending much of my days (when we're on) with T?
Learning..... I am learning from T, as he is the happiest person i know, In the past 7 months T has taught me:
1. That my day is mine, and his day is his, and that's that.
2. That everyday i should get up early, especially on weekends to live all of my day. (also to sleep with the shutters open so the sun will wake me up)
3. That self confidence will take me to the moon, and self sacrifice will take me nowhere (T doesn't believe in heaven).
4. No one needs guidance, and no one needs mothering, "let them sort it out themselves".
5. To tell him to fuck off when he's a piece of shit. (and anyone else for that matter)
6. To have fun every day, especially alone.
7. Not to try to change anyone.
8. That everyone is interesting until proven boring.
9. That it is absolutely legitimate to have a bad mood.
10. That drama, attachment and dwelling are terminal diseases.
and most importantly... how not to fall in love with a man like T.
T taught me this by example, criticism and harshness, never preaching. He is my opposite in tons of ways, and we have a fantastic time together. I know that T loves me to bits, but no where near as much as he loves himself, and that's what makes him so great, he's so void of bullshit.
T told me yesterday he's going to be a daddy, and T (being T), wont marry his ex, will support her and the baby completely, will take full responsibility for his "actions", but wont change his life. Some people say T is selfish, T is very selfish, but T has taught me that he is who he is, take it or fucking leave it.
Most people take it.....