Friday, July 28, 2006

Bring on the Trivia

Ever since I was a little kid I've had my intense moments. The more I grew up, the more I was told that I was perceptive, had depth of spirit and wisdom that preceded my age. That sounded well and good at the time, but there was always something about those traits that left me uneasy. I found out why when I turned 19 and the suppressed experimentalist was unleashed, but as the wilderness took over, so did the intensity. Being a drama hater during those years wasn't easy as my life was just that: a drama, a soap opera at best, if you wanted entertaining stories about the breaking of mental and emotional boundaries you came to me. I provided constant amusement and alas disapproval from my closer circle of friends, and displayed the cool of an outwardly composed collected even conniving person from a distance. That was the result of suppressing the drama; extreme misconstrued intensity.
There is nothing pretty about intense dark people, they are melancholic at best and desperately draining most of the time, being one of them for a few years was something I hated, thus suppressing it more and more, with a pretension of happiness and a lot of smoking.

Let'’s not drag on... I haven't been blogging about the devastating escalation of a war threatening our peace and safety for as long as we may live, or the ex that i think may very well have scarred me for life though those wounds have healed, I haven'’t been wording out my incurable terror of death and loss, nor going on about guilt, shame, double standards, hypocrisy and taboos. In fact most of the things i needed to vent haven't been blogged about at all... As i go through the archive of previous posts i find mainly random thoughts from daily trivia and none of the issues i thought would be splattered all over this blog.

Oh thank God for that. I'm not promising the monsters wont surface, actually I'm pretty sure the bleak winter will present me with many an opportunity to wreck your days with gloom. But for the moment I am happy, happily lost in the trivia of days spent by the lake and on the beach, day trips in the Var, fiction books, concerts and festivals, carnivals, flirtations and mid night swims. I am willingly living in the very outer layer of my skin where only fun is felt deeply and everything else is left to lie, where the things that stir us most are the things we say the least about. And for the momenI i wish that this could last forever, bring on the trivia every day if you ask me.

3 comments:

FreudianSlip said...

I love you dude!!!(in a strictly heterosexual way)

That's just it! i don't think blogs should be planned or rehearsed...you can't plan a venting session about a specific topic that you've always wanted to "vent about".

N said...

Lol. As long as we're keeping it heterosexual :)

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