Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Domino Effect

I am starting to dislike my best friend.

People are strange, almost everyone feels the need to dump on someone else, or take their shit out on someone, put them down, get their energy out of making you feel bad about yourself, even hurt you on purpose. The funny thing is this is very likely because you intimidate them as they have bellow the soil self esteem, the not so funny thing is that more often than not these are the people closest to you. More often than not the aggression is taken out on the only person that doesn't miss-treat them, that wont step all over them given the chance, most probably the person putting you down is passing it on to you from someone (or everyone) else.

Yesterday I took my best friend out for dinner to ease the tension created by my sudden awareness of the repetitiveness of this (I am quite delayed with these things), in hope that my awareness would partly solve the problem... and then bam, out of nowhere, mid conversation, she changes the subject to an especially uncomfortable topic for me (which I had been avoiding all night) and rubbed the salt on the wound. She pointed out a hurtful fact (that may or may not be true) about a third party, and basically ruined my night between my annoyance at the possible truth in this fact and most importantly my utter disgust at her for purposefully shifting the conversation to make a hurtful point, eyes steadily looking at me, and bitterness in her voice, then bouncing off to other topics once my face had successfully dropped. I always knew she had insecurity issues concerning me, but the malice (very probably subconscious) left me in serious doubt if I wanted to be this girl's friend anymore.

And in a true moment of isolation, I missed home, I missed my childhood girlfriends, who - with all their issues - never practice the domino effect with me or themselves.

13 comments:

Insomniac said...

in the spirit of self improvement i'll try not to me judgemental.. heck, i can't help it.. sweetie, best friends would NEVER hurt their friends.. i think u deserve a better best friend.. (u don't have to listen to anything i say, i am know for an attitude)

FreudianSlip said...

This is highly odd and disturbing! it seems as if your daily experiences are constantly coinciding with mine.

Not much can be said in this situation- i feel for you. Nothing sucks more than being away and confiding in that one person and then having that same person mistreat you. Maybe she's going through a phase but you certainly shouldn't have to keep up with that. Sadly, you can't exactly pick up a best friend from the local convenience. Just hang in there:)

N said...

Insomniac, if only life were that simple.... this same girl helped me furnish my house by collecting things from all over the coast, fasted half of Ramadan with me (she's agnostic), surprised me with a clean terrace when i got back home after it had accumulated piles of everything from the winter, and cooks me hot meals whenever i am gloomy or homesick, i could go on for quite a bit.... if only people were simple...

Freudianslip, thanks for the support, el ghorba morra sa3at :))

KareemFromEgypt said...

ya N i said it before on my second post ever, friends/best friends are bad for you

and it's the really helpful ones get to you the most. but since ur big on one's self/soul i say demote her in ur friends list, this way there won't be as much hurt

the problem is we expect our friends to care for our feelings when in fact this is quite rare, friends are good for what u said, picking up stuff, cooking meals and general support but it's tough to find someone on the same level of thinking,
meaning that the most problems that occur between friends are because of their "definition of a friend" in the first place

N said...

Well said Kareem, I agree with you almost entirely, and as you said, she has been demoted already. Thanks.

still breathing said...

relationships in general are so fragile, it just takes one thing, one...tiny little offense or whatever, and it can snowball on ya.

just don't expect too much from ppl.

N said...

I don't think all relationships are fragile, some are made of steel. I just think that alot of kind, good people have massive issues and low self esteem, and that distances people from them because as lovely as they, they're hard work and draining.
About expectations, my only expectations from my friends are that they don't hurt me on purpose, seriously, that's all i expect and demand.

Insomniac said...

i think kareem said what i meant in better words than u needing a best friend :)

btw.. after some time u will be able to communicate with ease.. just keep her in that demoted place to avoid further disappointment

N said...

It seems everyone has experience with this! Not sure if thats good or bad :s Thanks all the same :)

still breathing said...

some are made of steel? i wanna experience that..i really do.

N said...

you probably have it just don't realize it, look closer :)

zandy said...

well i don't reallly know what to say.. I actually had this scene in my life a lot with somebody who used to be my best friend. The only mistake I think I've made is that I made up excuses for her all the time, "Maybe she's in a bad mood", "she's just a little grumpy these days and she's taking it out on me.".. many many excuses but one time I just realised that i can't take it anymore, I don't deserve this, but unfortunately, I discovered this too late and she was too deep in my life, i just couldn't get her out of my head and just missed all those years we spent together and had fun, i realised she was the only one of my friends who loved walking and love so many other things i loved doing, and suddenly doing any of these things just made me feel that I'm missing something, or something just isn't right, took me almost a year to get back to my normal life and trust ppl again, yet not let them be my best friends so easily. Morale of the story don't give excuses and don't just bear the torture. I don't know your friend maybe she wasn't in a good mood, maybe she needed to make you see something she thinks you don't see, but if it hurts u so much then you should take it in. not this time and not any other time, don't let anybody hurt you coz simply you don't deserve it.
P.S. I ,too, believe that never wanting friends to hurt me on purpose is a very fair demand to ask. I don't hurt anybody on purpose, then why should anybody hurt me when all I've done is being their friend.

N said...

:) you seem to know alot about the subject. I am quite fed up with people doing this really so i'm opting for more distance to people inclined to act this way. It just doesn't work any other way.
Thanks for passing by.