An inevitable evening of silence

I'm at home for the first evening in months, i'm at home alone that is, for the first evening in months, after the voile, the crack of summer buzz, the matches, the music festival..... the inevitable has happened; i am alone at home in what seems like an eternity.
I could have gone to the concert today and slept in the grass, but i think my body will collapse if i don't rest it, and i fear that if i procrastinate any longer the build up will avalanche.....
I wonder what it is about this time of day? I am alone for the better part of most days, singing and humming and getting things done, maybe its the absence of the sun....
And as fate would have it, and irony would dance to it, it's a full moon today. You see i have a terrace that stretches alongside my flat, so i can see the now very golden, very melancholic lost face in the moon look at me no matter where i am in my flat....
I'm at home alone, house has been cleaned, dvd has been watched, nap has been taken, and now there is nothing left to do but see this night through.
I wonder where you are.... one night in those weeks you called me.... one morning in those weeks i cried my heart out..... one night in those weeks you turned thirty and i told you all my truth... one day not so long after that you let me down one final time... thank god for the noisy sounds that kept me from registering, thank god for the past experiences that stopped me from thinking, thank me for the sense to not dwell, to not fester, to not delude myself and excuse you....
That moon keeps getting sadder and more bewitching by the second, i wonder if you can see it from where you are.... that canyon was more beauty than i could fathom, i wonder if you felt that i had taken you there with me....
I wonder how i carry you in my heart this way when i am absolutely helpless in the outcome of this myth.... when i usually bore from absence.... when i have always been more demanding than most....
The moon is now jaded, hiding behind a translucent veil of summer clouds, i look up and pray to the power behind that moon, and every moon;
Come next November, may i care a lot less about you.....