I am packing, trying to fit a flat into four suitcases in a how to put four elephants in a fridge manner. My mother wants the sheets, towels and quilt, my sister wants all my books, DVD and CD player, i need my clothes to walk the streets of Cairo and i am now dearly regretting the boots and bags mania i got in the autumn.
Girls are mad, i swear, when i packed to come here i brought with me every safety blanket i owned. I could not part with my ten year old dress, bondo2, my basata pants, favourite books i brought along just in case i might want to look through them one day etc etc.. i came with heaps of stuff, and now as i pack to return i see that i have not developed at all. 6 packets of hair dye, 8 of Fructis leave in conditioner, everything i may ever need from France ever again. OK, girls are not mad, I am insane. I must have thrown out half the things i own, and there are still mountains of books and fabric to get to Cairo.
I am procrastinating, this is not what this post is about.
I've met someone, well i haven't actually met him yet, but i can safely say that in terms of what it may mean to me, i have indeed met someone. I mean we have talked everyday for a month tomorrow, i think we have talked all day almost every day for a month now. And he is going to travel 5 hours out of his way to come have coffee with me. I think i have a date... would you call this a date?
Can someone tell me how to go on a first date with someone who knows things about me that he ought to have found out in about two years? Can someone tell me how exactly i am supposed to be composed and collected and so very detached as i usually am on first dates when i am absolutely exposed? Oh, did i mention that he read my whole blog? What on earth am i supposed to do on a date with someone who knows all this about how i am?
These are not rhetoric questions by the way.... feedback is needed this time. I am not contemplating the secret of being or self knowledge or bla bla bla, this is serious people, what am i to do?
I will help you help me, this man is intelligent and witty, absolutely not naive, funny, absolutely unpredictable, and for a change is not wearing an "I'm an asshole just for the sake of it" t-shirt as he knocks on my door, of course the t-shirt may well be hidden and tucked underneath, but at least he's not flaunting it!
This man is older, yet more light hearted, kinder yet firmer, very soft and terrifyingly tough. Did that help? I didn't think so... What am i going to do?
I'll try again, this man talks to me all day about nothing and everything, he makes me laugh out loud in an over heated shopping mall on sales, with a text message. I tell him sad stories and he knows better than to sympathize, i tell him weird stories and he makes fun of me, i tell him stories of nothing at all and somehow he finds them interesting enough to not leave me online and go cook while i blab...
I have a date in a week, what am i going to do?