Wednesday, November 29, 2006

On ex's

Ever since me and k broke up, i took a vow to try to not let things get so ugly in relationships that we could not be friends afterwards. When i was with K we made sure that so much damage was done that no possible civil interaction could ever take place, after it was over the loss was really too much for me and i took that vow, and so far i have been able to stick to it.
So yesterday i was talking to G (the spanish episode of last year), and as he told me about his current girl i noticed how since being with me he had repeated the same pattern twice; passion, dreams, indecision, hesitation, fear and exit. Other than realizing that he was immature and absolutely self involved, it made me wonder if some people really cannot settle down. Do some people really need to always be challenged? Always try to get what they can't have? Are some people incapable of falling in love peacefully?
I listened to him and i think some people are like that... unable to follow through, always looking for the greener grass. I feel sorry for these people. I keep running into them, getting attracted to them, ending up with them, and they teach me tons. They teach me emotional independence, they teach me how to value what i have now, they teach me how to live happily alone, but sadly though i touch their lives and stay their friend i have not been able to teach them patience.
I feel sorry that they don't cry over loved ones and don't relive memories while smiling, that they don't miss people painfully and they don't know the real euphoria of being held by someone you love and want unconditionally. They may live without any real sorrow, but they also live without any real joy, and most of them live without the dream of a true love that will make the world perfect. I know i will have that one day and that dream keeps me alive, i get the best of both worlds; the fun with them today and the dream of more.
I wonder if they have any real control over how they are.... i wish so much for them to feel more.
My ex K got engaged last week to a girl he says he is in love with sometimes, and happy with sometimes. I think settling is sad. I guess not everyone feels there's much of an option, and that is even sadder.


Anonymous said...

well, i am a gemini, so i can relate to your xs in a way.. yes, the grass is always greener down the hill, and the sun is always brighter up the hill.. thanks for ur sympathy ;)

Sand-E Sez said...

Isn't it funny how the same series of events can touch one person one way and have absolutely no baring on another? Sometimes I wonder, does that euphoria take over just because we so desperately yearn for it?