The world is vast and wide. I am currently trying to decide on what to do next with my life. I have enough money put away now to be able to afford a new start pretty much anywhere, provided i land a job soon. I bring out the map, that is what my indecision has come to, i actually bring out a map of the world and look at it pensively. I start with Europe, the natural process. Paris? Bad weather, still amongst the French. Barcelona? Low pay, scarce jobs, new language barrier. Germany? Ekh. Italy? See Spain. Switzerland? Zzzzzzz. Holland? Hmmmm... friendly, English spoken, beautiful flowers. London? Hmmm... very hip, very me, very possible, very cold.
But Europe is such a small part of the map! My eyes wander off to the other masses of land forming continents amidst bulks and bulks of water. New York? I'd probably die of stress. Boston maybe? Brrrrr. Brazil? :) But that's not a years move is it? I mean who goes to Brazil and leaves Brazil? South Africa... Melbourne...?
My eyes fall on North Africa, Egypt, Cairo... how can i feel nostalgic and the urge to vomit at the same instant? I dread the traffic, i dread Mr.Oriental Judgmental Man, i dread embracing sexual harassment again as an accepted part of my day, i dread everything that has to go through a process governed by the government, i fear for my sanity. And yet a force pulls me towards that part of the map, a mother, an identity, a sense of belonging, and an endearing warmth i haven't felt in almost two years now. I confirm it in my mind that Egypt is a place that nurtures self destruction and suppresses the soul so much that when it finds freedom in any refuge, it tries with all its might to turn that refuge into a new home.
One last glance at the map, the Caribbean maybe for the winter?
I fold the map and put it away and decide as i have everyday for the past two weeks to wait patiently for my boss's reply to my status-quo email, to postpone mega decisions that would break my mothers heart, and try to ignore the nagging voice telling me to go home.
Where did i put my book?