Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Drill

I read every word, many times.
I have become an expert at extracting the most amount of information possible from a few lines.
I could see him writing them, choosing one word instead of the other, using an absolutely inopportune word for rhyme.
I could tell which words were written for my benefit. And which slipped despite him betraying traits he should be hiding now.
I read every word, many times.
And then this emptiness consumed me.
Is this what i have loved for?
Is this what i was faithful to?
Is this vanity what i loved?

And i saw it like everyone could see it, apathetically, without interest, like the bad story that it is.
I saw him for the man he was today, a man who only knows how to take the easy way out.
And i felt a surge of relief, i didn't want him anymore. And i worked for hours straight, and forgot he even existed.
And then i got into my car, turned on my music, lit my cigarette, and the pang in my stomach came back.
I missed him. I missed the man he was to me every day for eleven months.

When does this cycle ever end?


That Guy said...

bizarre, i'm kinda going through something similar.

in all fairness though, is 11 months really that much? not judging or anything, but technically it shouldnt be that hard to fall back into the single lifestyle eventually.

good luck and remember, there are A LOT of people out there. :-)

Nora said...

I think this sounds like a good step.
Hopefully things will keep improving quickly...
I broke up recently and I am surprised at how quickly I became much better... I never thought that I would feel happier without him..
But I do.
And hopefully you will too...

Good luck beautiful!