Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Note to Friend

Sand-e wrote this as a comment on my last post:

Once upon a time there was a little girl called N who dreamed of that just right fit for her bum on the couch. Warm, comfortable, well fed and content she fell asleep and woke up only to come to the realization that it was just a dream... and in her distress with figuring out the facts she woke up only to find that she'd done so before entirely experiencing her dream for what it was.

Sand-e is a blogger close to my heart, she usually leaves comments on my most heart felt posts, she leaves comments on ambiguous posts i'm sure no one gets, she knows when to say what, and to be honest her vocabulary and sentence construction are sometimes too advanced for me that i have to read the sentences several times to get it.
I read this comment over and over, what does she mean? That i've been delusional? That i burst my own bubble? That i get caught up in analysis too much to enjoy the experience?

Is she wicked enough to mean nothing in particular other than to let me come up with my own afraid to face truths?

So Sand-e, this is for you;

Once upon a time there was a
little girl called N who dreamed of that just right fit for her bum on the couch. Warm, comfortable, well fed and content she fell asleep and woke up only to come to the realization that it was just a dream... and in her distress with figuring out the facts she woke up only to find that she'd done so before entirely experiencing her dream for what it was. But then she remembered that dreams are realities, and realities are dreams, because she was once told that our perceptions weave our lives. Now it's a tough paradigm shift back from distress to contentment, especially illusory contentment, after all warmth and comfort are not emotions to be saved in a bottle for emergency need...
So she did what she does best, she inhaled - though that hurts these days- and she fixed her eyesight on her feet, the feet that took her every place she's been, and out of every mess she's made and she smiled at the power of her feet. Those feet combined with lucid reality meant that the shit could just go ahead and hit the fan, and her bum would remain nicely fitting to that couch.

Don't mind me, i'm in the weirdest mood today, please feel free to tell me what it is you actually meant :)


5 comments:

Will E. said...

I think she meant that sometimes we get fixated on the dream so much that we just don't know when we get there.. there's nothing else to look forward to. It's like a philosopher presented with the bare absolute truth (if one can be presented with one in this lifetime) but continues to make up theories about what the truth is.. he can't let go of the road even having reached the target..

But then again i could be way off..

Sand-E Sez said...

will e.
you rock!
the philosopher reference was priceless. thank you.
I’ve actually written a response that was a million times longer than that but getting at that precise point...you summed it up beautifully.

Sand-E Sez said...

I may aswell share it since it has already been written.... no?

here it goes
...
Sweet N,
I can’t tell you how extremely touched I am by this post. You wrote, I read and felt like I had to say something so I commented. The thing that makes you who you are, in my humble opinion, is that you feel things, real things, beautiful things, awe inspiring things… you’ve been blessed with the gift of “seeing” or if you prefer more cheese… the gift of beholding the beautiful, weather it be emotional, visual, physical, or mental. You internalize these pretty things but struggle with what to do with them afterwards because you understand that the world around you doesn’t function the way you do. You want to protect them by keeping them yours but at the same time feel like you do them injustice by keeping them to yourself. Why I wrote what I did… I can’t be a hundred percent sure to be honest with you but I just felt like you realize that sitting there on that couch is a beautiful thing… that though you claim to have run away from it all this time… when it was right you no longer felt the need to run, capable… but unwilling.. you decided to stay. But then you won’t let yourself bask in the glory of it all… it scares you… you recognize a familiar pattern emerging… its almost like lights go off in your head telling you that it’s usually at this stage when things go to shit in my relationships… its almost like you know… that once u start to feel a guy get that comfortable with you.. you cant sit still… you get bored… not so easily amused anymore.. and just for the added value that drama brings to all things I’m tempted to go as far as saying ….it’s like you’re your own antichrist.
All I’m saying, N, is that sometimes all the questioning.. it takes away from the experience for what it is… so what if it might fall apart sometime in the future? Doesn’t stressing about that now kind of put u in this constant state of “I’ve got to put my guard up” and consequently take a way from the love you’re living now? I don’t know much about much but I know that my initial gut instincts about things like these are often in their place. I hope that kind of clears the air between us. And again I’m flattered by your kind words I am hardly a worthy recipient. I apologize if I offended you in any manner, that was truly and entirely not my intention.

N said...

yes, Will e. always rocks :)

so Sand-e... i guess i asked for that having published my entire life on the blog :)

i am very far from offended, i am quite flattered actually that you would spend all that time replying :)

so i guess the rest of the story you started shows you just how accurate you may be :) or not...

P.S: why does the world around me not function that way? its such an easier way!!

Will E. said...

I'm flattered..