My soul mate got married last month. He had sent me photos of the castle he planned to book for the wedding a month before. He married a girl that loves him to the ends of the earth and grounds him and makes him happy.
Our last conversation was a few weeks before his wedding. He was having cold feet, he was panicking, he was asking me what if? for the hundredth time. He told me that he missed me, missed our fire, missed our few minutes on the mountains in the middle of nowhere.
He told me that he missed my eyes. My sweet eyes.
"What if?" he told me, "what if we had given it a try?"
"It would've worked out" i told him. "I would've loved you to no end, and i would've forgiven you your mistakes, and we would have lived like we will never live. And you would have given me consistent chest pains".
He laughed, we laughed.
"I have never felt like that since then. Why did we not go for it?"
And i go quiet, and i remind him, that it was him that did not go for it.
And he goes quiet, and then he says what he always says when we get to this point; "it was too much fire, it would not have worked, too much fire, i could not live like that, i need peace."
And i smile, what he calls my sweet smile. A smile that he says somehow combines my sadness and acceptance and my resolve to not be weak. I had long since learnt to smile instead of letting the heart ache well up and consume me.
And we talk on, for hours, for what must have been 4 or 5 hours, he plays me my song, unasked, and i laugh and cry all at the same time. And finally i tell him that i cannot talk anymore, i am too tired from all the emotions, and i wish him well with his wedding, and i wish him much happiness.
He then asks me if i am sad, and i say that no, i am the luckiest girl in the world, i am in love with a man who would walk through fire for me, and my soul mate that i will forever carry in my heart, feels the same.
My soul mate got married last month, yes i believe in soul mates, and that you're not necessarily meant to end up with them, and nor are you necessarily supposed to.