One of the things i am most grateful for in my relationships, is space. I always had it with my family. I was never grilled over where i was going or who i was with. I was never interrogated on my thoughts or actions. I was never asked why i was a certain way. Growing up i probably had a little too much space. I would spend weeks on end at friends houses. There are entire summers where i recall only seeing my mom when she came by to drop some fresh clothes. I grew up with lots of space.
My friends are very spacey people as well. Of course we used to be less spacey... we used to butt into every detail of each others lives. But over the years we managed to reach a phenomenal balance of solid long term friendships and space. A group of seven girls two of which are permanently living abroad, the youngest of these friendships is 19 years old. Yes, 19. Thats a lot of years to practice space. There are never guilt trips, or dramatic whining, or accusations. When feelings are hurt conversations are had or neatly pushed away under a rug, to be had one day or just discarded. But there is never a suffocating blame placing sulk or tantrum. We are all very grateful for this, and very bewildered at how any other kind of friendship is sustainable. Space is an amazing thing in relationships, when it is not a cover for disinterest or self absorption.
The most amazing of space in relationships of course, is the space i have found in marriage. By nature my husband and i are not the chatty sort. Him much more than me. I think he could go for weeks without feeling a need to speak. And when he does it would probably be to crack a joke, and then slip back into silence. I have never met a less demanding person. I think if we had not been friends for so long and had he not known me so well and thus felt so entirely comfortable expressing affection (in a mostly physical manner), he would have probably gone through life entirely self sufficient. He is all about the space. Space i appreciate so much. It is not only space to do my thing and see my friends and do my work. It is space in my head to be free. To change my mind about things, to explore horizons that were once unspeakable, to wander off in my mind to new places, to enjoy a freedom in my mind and soul knowing i do not have to always fit in a boxed perception of myself in his mind.
There is space in our perception of each other, that comes from a long standing history of having changed many times before, without really changing to each other.
Space is such a vital thing my peace of mind, i find.