Monday, June 30, 2008

Marriage

He wants to get married. He didn't get down on one knee and propose, he didn't tell me after months of figuring out the perfect way to ask, he just wants us to get married, and he says it every day. Every time he takes me home at the end of the night, he tells me that if we were married he would not have to take me home. He manages to squeeze it into every conversation as a solution to all our problems.
He just wants to marry me.
He wants to share a home and life with me.
He wants me to raise his kids and cook his meals.
He wants me sleeping next to him every night.
He wants to spend his life in the same home with me.

Why can't i bring myself to say yes?

5 comments:

Sand-E Sez said...

Why can't you? don't you share the same sentiment? Is there a real reason you think you shouldn’t or is it simply that his persistence is making you resistant? 3end against the possible loss of freedom and a wrong decision.
My thoughts…..Set your heart aside for a day and think strictly with your mind. come to a conclusion. Then the next day set your mind aside and think with your heart spirit and soul. Come to a second conclusion. If they both agree then i guess you have your answer. If they don't then give each an additional day to reevaluate and reassess.

Jade said...

Woho! No wonder if you've been in the black hole for so long... havent heard from you for ages & your email for some reason hasnt been taking my emails :(

Wow... this is really big. Marriage? Babe.. I have no advice to give or magical way to make the decision... I just pray that in your heart, you find peace & comfort with whatever decision you make.

All my love,
J

N said...

Sandy: is there anyone you know who can do that really??? :)

i think i'm scared for my freedom, and i think i'm being impossible and spoilt, and i think i'm just enjoying having the upper hand and being chased :)

My life's a bit of a mess right now, so the marriage idea is on the back burner till we figure things out.

Jade: i have no idea why your emails dont come through...
try again?
thank you dear :)

LouLou said...

I don't think marriage is a threat to your freedom. Not unless you marry some control freak which he can't be if you're actually considering him.

Before I got married I went through this phase too. But then I realized that it's not marriage that ties you down. It's love. Once he was inside my head, my husband would have had the same impact on my life whether I married him or not, whether we lived together or he was at the other end of the world. The loss of freedom was inevitable. I couldn't avoid it by not getting married.

Once I accepted that, getting married had no real negatives. It made my parents happier. It was more socially and religiously acceptable. It saved me from having to pay rent or be forced to live with relatives or move back home. And it made him a lot happier because it was a commitment he needed from me. It was right for a whole combination of mostly external factors.

Having kids is different of course. That is a tremendous loss of freedom. But you don't have to have kids immediately after marriage. You can wait until you're ready. And take it from someone who went from being absolutely horrifed by the idea of being a mother to being obssessed with it in record time, there will come a time in your life where you will need motherhood more than freedom.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is, it's not about marriage. It's about him. Is he the one? If he is, then marriage is just logistics. If he isn't, why even bother with logistics? If you're not sure, take more time. Just don't let the M-word distract you. It's not as a big a deal as it's cracked up to be.

Sand-E Sez said...

Yeah on second thought N.. it sounds like i'm talking out of my Arse. But more seriously... i think loulou brings up an excellent point... once you admit that he's gotten to your heart and thoughts regardless of marriage the issue of freedom isn't an issue. And plus.. freedom is over rated there is such strength in knowing that you can share your happieness with someone else. That there will be someone to support you should you fall. And that you might live for someone else other than yourself. Freedom means you have all that but you do it alone.