Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Benchmark

It's true; the more people you date, the pickier you get. Once upon a time i used to be oblivious to people's faults, i would only see what made them sunny and charming, once upon a time indeed.
I have been getting out much more in the past few weeks, i've ran into people i hadn't seen in years, i've met new people, and i've had conversations with people i always knew but never really got to talk to, and since i am absolutely uninterested in dating at the moment, i have naturally been getting advances left right and center, for some reason this is how the world works.
So a nice enough guy starts talking to me, and ten minutes into the conversation i can only think of how i am going to exit this conversation. I never thought i was vain, but i'm afraid i must be, it is not natural that i find almost every guy i talk to either too cocky, or too boring, or too chatty, or too fickle, or too shallow, or too vulnerable, or too something that will make him unstimulating. It's like i have a sensor that goes off when i pick up on a trait that i know doesn't sit well with me, it's as if through the gazillion guys i have dated all i have been doing is accumulating character traits that turn me off! You see the first guy you date, you don't know that him being pessimistic could actually spoil it for you, the second guy you date you make sure that he isn't pessimistic, but have no clue that him being full of himself will bore you to death, the third guy you date you make sure he is not pessimistic and not full of himself and after three weeks you can't tolerate his temper for one more day that you have to bail. So what i know now is that i can't be with anyone who is pessimistic, whiny, chatty, passive, dependent, lazy, stingy, bad tempered, possessive, cruel, a high school dropout, sexist, irrational, controlling, rigid, judgmental, hesitant, promiscuous, gay, manipulative or a liar.
And thats what i know, imagine what i don't know...
I put this snobbishness of mine down to being fresh out of a messy dramatic breakup, and thought; ok, since you are in a good place and so off dating, just hang out with your close friends and have fun. So i did that, and then bam! My best guy friend of 100 years pulled a stunt on me and suggested the development of our friendship into more. I have known this guy for 8 solid years, and now i find myself looking at him as one would a nicely wrapped package that you can hear ticking because you are absolutely sure there is a bomb inside. My first thoughts when he told me where, oh shit, now you are going to turn into something absolutely devastatingly intolerable that i am yet to discover... while my mom and friends look at me in bewilderment that i am not jumping at the chance to land such a great guy.

I think i am turning into one of those guys who see any form of a relationship as a potential hazard and an eternal threat to their peace of mind. I so get you guys now! I have alot of single ahead of me, i hope...

P.S: i said almost every guy, some conversations are still fun, thank god for that.

10 comments:

Mazen Mason said...

The first thing that comes to mind about this is that:

A guy will always have something to turn you off so long you don't cease to inspect him searching for an excuse to abort all possibility of shaking more than a hand with him.

This very entry could not possibly be have written by someone who simply does not wish to date anyone anymore...but rather by someone who's presenting us a justification or a disguised apology...an explanation or simply a cover-up for why she's in such fear of that potential hazard-lair called dating. Someone who's striving to re-possess an upper hand again.

Well, as they say "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" and I see that the pessimists here are not those guys but rather the one who always choose to only see the reasons of failure instead of why anything would break the habit and actually work.

As absolutely & purely right as it is to choose not to date...I strongly advice that you be honest with yourself and acknowledge the true reasons...instead of blaming us men...please try not to break so many hearts while you're in the process of searching.

I am an advocate of always being true to one's own self...& not deceiving it..no matter under what
pretexts.

N, haven't we both before concurred that fear is always worse than failure? Who's afraid now?

Keep dating while you still can.

Thanks N.

That Guy said...

You need to take it easy and enjoy the process itself. But the more experience u have shouldn't just be adding to the list of traits u hate, perhaps u need to be more accepting. AKEED there are some things about u not everyone would like, so u gotta learn how to compromise and tolerate also. Unless you're going for the 'im searching for my soulmate' thing in which case, best of luck....

N said...

Mazen: many thanks for your comment, you should take me less seriously though :) any given post is merely a reflection of my mood at the time, i am not ALWAYS so cynical... more these days than usual i admit, but if you miss the soft posts full of faith and romanticism, you can either browse the old ones, or wait for me to meet someone worthy of the blindness it takes for "beauty to be in the eye of the beholder"
thanks again.

That Guy: there is plenty about me that is intolerable, i zone out when i'm bored, i can't disquise not liking people so i am often so uninterested its offensive, i take critisicm like a child would, etc etc etc... so on that front you are more than right.
however when it comes to tolerance, i challenge you to find someone who has put up with what i have in their dating record, seriously, i challenge you :)

i'm just on a break guys :)

Jade said...

I find it strange that the two fellas that left you these comments took you seriously.

I can so see the humour in this & I totally get where you are coming from...

About your friend... tell him to back off for a bit until you have eased out of the heartache & I do encourage you to think about it... if you have been friends for so long & seem to get along - believe me - the most beautiful relationships are those that stem from a good solid friendship....

On a lighter note - DUDE! HOW THE HELL DID YOU END UP WITH A GAY GUY!?????
Unless you mean Gay as in Jolly - & in that case - what's wrong with that?

Cheers to you babe! Your posts are always a treat! xxx

N said...

Jade: well i can't really blame the guys for not getting it, this post has a girl audience for sure :) thank you nontheless!

oh, and no, not jolly, gay. i ended up with him more than once actually, over a span of many many years. but thats a story that will have to be shared in private :)

thanks for the advice!

Mazen Mason said...

Now I feel compelled to aim this comment at a couple of other comments in lieu of N's arguable Benchmark.

I honestly don't see how my comment would have been any different had I taken this entry less "seriously" or even lightly. Was I or any other commentator expected to begin our comments with LOOOOL...or what? Where the humor here?

I could have asked the same question that Jade blurted and still preserved the seriousness with which I took this entry. -But I strongly doubt that I'll be getting any answer to any questions I direct to any girl these days. All of a sudden they wanna be enigmas.

"I think i am turning into one of those guys who see any form of a relationship as a potential hazard and an eternal threat to their peace of mind. I so get you guys now! I have alot of single ahead of me, i hope..." Someone tell me please how could this not be taken seriously...or lightly?

And what does "seriously" here mean? Are you suggesting that I should NOT have believed the words that've been typed or what exactly? I am genuinely starting to think there's something wrong with me.

Oh...people I implore ya..

Back to the Benchmark.

Speaking of turn-offs and dating. The top 2 on my list are a couple of phrases that girls love so much to occasionally utter every now and then:

"you should not have taken me this seriously" that's one, makes me like What?!! Two is when I tell a girl that I am 'interested' in her and then she fakes being surprised and replies with this stupid stereotype "oh But you still don't know me well enough"...ha as if, if I knew her well I would hate her guts instead...makes me wanna say "know what? it's best that I don't know you at all."

N said...

Mazen: please take your hostility elsewhere.

insomniac said...

i liked that post... i totally got it too, i think it's a girls thing

Will E. said...

I seriously don't think it's a girl's thing.. and that's the only thing I will be serious about.. :) And I won't kill it by analyzing why it's funny!

Nora said...

I thought it was funny too!
:o)