So i walk out of the place where i had been retreating for the weekend. I had just spent two days doing yoga, breathing techniques, meditating and listening to people's experience while they meditated and saw colors and fireworks (non of which happened to me) and actually hearing a man flutter in his place while he transcended and i resisted my temptation (several times) to break my mantra and open my eyes to watch him shake in his state of pure consciousness. It was my first weekend, after a three day course i took that ended Wednesday, i spent the weekend with around 40 people who had been meditating anywhere between decades to days.
I watched videos of lectures about knowing the self, experiencing the silence, being in the state of pure consciousness that is floating in what new physics now claims is the unified filed of all things.
Finally all the whacko stuff i believed in seems to have been scientifically proven and aligned with all religions!
As i am a new meditator (that is what they called me through out the weekend), i have been forewarned that the first stages of practicing this technique are turbulent. I was told i might experience mood swings, irritations, sadness, laughing, crying, etc etc etc...
Cockily, i was sure i wouldn't. Most of the people i know who had taken this course and started meditating are my friends from years, i knew them then, and know them now, and nothing that has been "revealed" to them was news to me. I knew i knew more than they did in their new state of awareness as i have been a dedicated reader of anything that has to do with the secret of being. Cocky, arrogant me was quite sure that the weekend would be quite the smooth sail.
So, come this evening, when i have checked out of the hotel after the retreat to head home, the menady came to collect his parking fee even though i am parked next to the ter3a outside hotel territory, and then walks off, then i back out of my parking spot (patch of sand) directly into an iron pole. Ironically the pole is short enough for me to not see it in my rear view mirror, and tall enough for it to cause a severe dent in the bumper and truck of my almost brand new car.
I step out of the car, i see the damage, the menady comes back. Now even though i have just been told for two days plus, that me, the menady, the car and that pole are all the same thing. That being mad at the menday is being mad at the source and the unified field, that me being upset over something in the relative (i.e my car in this world) is shallow and unevolved, i tell the menady that he is useless and shoo him out of my face, and then i cry for twenty minutes over having bumped my car all by myself, literally having had an accident with the pole in the street.
My fellow meditators (friends) smile at me knowingly, pat my back, tell me to "let it out", and assure me this is very normal after the first weekend as i am going through "purification".
I want to scream that no, i am really crying because i have bumped my brand new car! But they gang up knowingly in their circle of support. I swallow my tears, get back into my wounded car, and drive off in my grey cloud.
I don't know what is worse, to admit that all these people who have turned themselves into guru's and commercialized a traditional treasure are right, or to admit that i was sobbing over a dent in my car for twenty minutes like someone had just died...