Two

I shall split you into two:

The man i so wanted you to be
And the man you turned out to be

Yes, that is what i will do. To preserve my sanity, to forgive my disloyalty to my instincts, to get through these horrid times. I shall split you into two.

I knew, of course i knew, i doubted every word, i filled every gap in your stories with fractions of my imagination. I knew, i always knew something was wrong.

I shall split you into two:
The man i looked up to, the man that wished me good mornings and good nights, the man that called me love, the man that kissed my shoulder, the man who bought me books, the man who made me laugh.
The man that got me.
The man that held me long and never tired of holding me.
The man who promised me protection from the world.

To find my peace i will separate the man who was my best friend from this other man. And then i will tell myself that my best friend went to a place far far away, where there are no phones and no planes, no good mornings or good nights.

I shall split you into two; the best friend that had to go away, and this other man...

I will not ask why you did this anymore.
I will not try to understand, what i cannot understand.
I will not repeat every word you said to me this week.
I will not remember the other things.
I will not remember them.

I will not wonder just how much longer you were going to lie.
I will not wonder how much more you did not tell me.
I will not wonder what in your life pushed you to be this way.
I will not wonder how that same man had no heart.

I will not wonder about your heart. Or lack thereof.

I shall split you into two, the man that loved me, and the man that is capable of this.

I will bid the man that loved me farewell, he is no longer here, i don't know why he had to leave but i will accept that he had to. The best ones always leave early.

And i will forget the man who was able to do this.
To hold and to lie.
To kiss and to lie.
To love and to lie.
To talk and to lie.
To breath and to lie.
To touch my scars and to lie.

To find his way into my life, manipulate, and lie.

I will not wonder where you got the heart.

I will move on and forget that such things really happen, or that they happened to me.
I will take what i want from this and move on.

You will not have devastated me. You will not have drove me crazy. You will not have had me believe that all the world is one big lie.

I am better than that. Yes i am.

When i doubted i was not crazy.
When my nights were sleepless, i was right.
When you told me i was wrong, i was not.
When i was unhappy, i had reason.

The only thing i know that matters to you is to lose.

You lose.

In this little game that we played where i am one and you are two, you lose.

You lose me, you lose you.

As for me, i will separate the man i so wished you were, from the man you are today.

I will split you into two, and let you both go.

I am better for it. Yes i am.