During the Night

I don't know why i get such bad nightmares. They are so disturbed as well, mutations of people into other bodily beings, with blood exploding and splashing all over, sometimes even with a perverted sexual twist that is anything but pleasurable, they are so graphic and grotesque, i often wake up wondering what i have done in my life to deserve those kinds of dreams..
After my best friend died in a car crash ten years ago, i spent two years suffering from recurring nightmares of graveyards and death, ranging anywhere from being lost in a cemetery with no way out at twilight battling against time to get out before it gets dark, to watching people i know lying bleeding from open wounds next to a dug out hole in a cemetery waiting for their death so they can be pushed into the slot.
For two years almost i dodged sleep, i slept sporadic hours during day time, and agonized over battling sleep during the night. After that the nightmares calmed down in nature, they went completely psychological rotating around an abusive relationship that was to form much of my character later on. The nightmares were justified even then, i was not leading a good life, i was unhappy with all that i was, i was going through the horrible early twenties where it seems one is known to be quite lost. It was justified to have nightmares, i could live with it because in a fucked up way i thought i deserved it.
I moved to France and life got better, my life style got healthier, my choices were mine and i grew up a bit. My nightmares recurred less frequently, due to the positive life change and regular exercise, but still, every few weeks i'd get a nerve wrecking dream, out of nowhere, flames, attacks, mutations, distortions, and death, always lots of death.
I thought that i must be detoxing from all the suppression i did as a child onwards till i became an independent entity, i decided to give it time and ignore it, and i've lived like that ever since. The thought that my subconscious holds material for these nightmares never stops scaring me though, it really terrifies me that i have thoughts buried somewhere that can be a constant feed to these never ending nightmares
This morning i woke up from yet another nightmare, blood, amputated distorted body parts, combined with disappointments in a parallel scenario. My dreams are always about people i know, and most disturbingly, people who are important to me.
In my frenzy of waking up i sent a message asking if he was ok, he was part of the dream, of course i shouldn't have cause it was 7am or something, and that is whacko mental behavior, but i was still in my frenzy, in the dark world where bad things happen for no reason.
When this happens and i wake up and he's next to me, i crawl up near, listen for a breath, put my ear against the rhythm and take comfort that everything is still the same and all that harm was just a dream, and the rhythm of the breathing eventually puts me back to sleep..

Can someone please, please tell me if this is still borderline mad or if i have always been insane?

I dream....

I dream of a little house on the beach that my mother loves, a little house to make her happy, i dream her simple dream comes true
I dream of another few years off, a little flat with my own kitchen, with my own sofa, with my own glass window with a view
I dream of a white sandy island, with crystal waters and little waterfalls flowing into fresh water pools
I dream that every night i go to bed everyone i love is warm
I dream of a little girl with curly hair, in a family with lots of love to give
I dream of years of freedom yet, with light weights on my shoulders, and open clear skies
I dream of making someones life, a little better than what it would've been, if i were not there
I dream that my losses come with acceptance, and that my paths part gently and only sweet memories stay behind
I dream that if i went away, i would be loved not missed, wanted not needed, wished for not longed for
I dream for those that came and went, that what i believe is true, that love still lives and breathes through both of you
I dream that all my dreams comes true...

Chronic Nightmares

It's 2:28 am.

I have just woken up from the dream that lucifer had struck a town with the doom of death by demons because i had been mocking his existence. The town's plague then spread to the other surrounding towns, until i see a birds eye view of stampedes of people fleeing the south of France up to Paris, and there are so many of them and they are so scared that they have torn down the tolls, entrances and exits of the highway and are all crawling onto the highway with their belongings from everywhere in the south of France in the pitch blackness of the night, all of them wailing and screaming.

Yesterday i dreamt that a woman got into a car and put her child in the back seat, she was parked with her back to a huge hole where a building's infra structure was about to be drilled, the ditch was maybe 15m deep. The woman backed up too much, the two back wheels slid into the ditch, and i watched as the cars weight shifted backwards, the car tilted into the ditch and the car started falling in back first. I saw the maybe four year old's body hit the top of the car and the look of horror on his face as they fell. I heard the baby scream.

Can you people please tell me how often you get nightmare of this level of horror so i can have a benchmark before i seek professional help?

Recurrence

He came to me last night.
He didn't really look like him, but i knew it was him, dreams are funny that way.
And even though i didn't know i was dreaming, i knew we had little time, i knew every moment was precious, and i panicked because i didn't want to waste or misuse the little time we had.
He saw my panic, and i suddenly found him with me, beside me, surrounding me, and he started talking to me. I only knew he was talking because i found myself soothed, calm, protected like i didn't know was possible.
And then i dared to ask; are you proud at all?
And the question shocked him, truly distressed him, and he asked me why i ask that?
"Because i'm different than what you planned, i have not followed the laid out path"
And he looked at me long, and hard, and i woke up...

Interrupting my sleep

Tigers, fires, heights, damnation, reproach, screams, wails, winds, entrapment, estrangement and the breaking down of loved ones.
My subconscious is angry with me.

What have I done now?