Something happened in the wee hours of the night, or this morning, not sure. A click, a sliding of gears into a fitting position, something snapped, and i can't put my fingers on it. At some point this weekend i understood that being in Egypt is a burden all on its own, a constant effort, forever a work in progress. I heard this snapping, and this time with curiosity i went to the source of it, i watched the gears churning till they reached their moment of rest, i watched as time took its toll, and realized that i had reached the place i am best at; passivity. What is so very good about this place is that it reeks of objectivity and is ideal for decision making, there are no forces swaying you anywhere and any choice you make from here is wholly and completely yours.
Can i refuse to be anyone but me, and refuse to be the me that i have always been?
Can i choose and pick and fix?
Can i channel water and seal off reservoirs of energy that leak into oblivion?
Can i mobilize my space so that no time is wasted away from those i love?
Today i can, tomorrow i will, because i have reached the mother of all objectivity; passivity.
2 comments:
Hey. I feel for you, my first year in Egypt pretty much felt like that. If it is any conciliation it turns out ok, you are at a good place, you'll see.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! i'm going in-flippin-sane!
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